When you’re trying to build up enough solid material to pursue real work as a comedian, you spend a lot of time at open mic nights.  The greatest strength of an open mic is also it’s greatest weakness- it’s open.  Which means there’s no particular requirement you have to meet in order to get stage time.  For the struggling comic just trying to get some practice, this is great!  But it also means there’s no quality control, and you end up sitting through some really awful  acts before it’s your turn.

That brings me to my particular favorite variety of really awful act- The Penis Guy.  This is the guy who, when his half-written, poorly-prepared material doesn’t go over well, goes straight for the masturbation joke.  Or worse, the guy who doesn’t bother with any material OTHER than jokes about his penis.

Now look. I like a good penis joke as much as any other red-blooded American.  But most penis jokes are too easy- they’re the, uh, low-hanging fruit of comedy.  A comedian really must earn his penis joke.

There are variations on The Penis Guy, of course.  The Really Peverted Old Guy, for example.  This is a guy who’s usually about 60 or so, who thinks it’s really hilarious to talk about his sexual habits in great detail, whether solo or with a partner.  Guys, I’m not the only one who thinks that graphic demonstrations of masturbatory technique and depictions of how long your tongue is aren’t funny.

There’s a lot more to say on the topic of open mics- what makes a good one, how to prepare, that kind of thing.  But I had to get this Penis Guy rant out of my system.